Dear Abby

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Abby

Dear Abby:

I’m a middle aged man, a widower who has a few grown children; I’ve been a widow for a number of years, and am thinking of getting married again. Under normal circumstances this could be seen as a good thing, but life has presented some unforeseen problems, and I am very confused.

First off, my new bride is much younger than me, and I’ve known her since she was a baby, and have been good friends with her father (close to my own age). One of the reasons I’ve been asked to take the young woman as my bride is because they are very poor, and live in an extremely depressed area. I am doing quite well at the moment with many commissions; I am a craftsman, and have many influential clients. It is their hope that this will give the young woman some stability, and I know I can easily provide for her and any children we might have.

Recently, while I was away on business, I came back home and found out that my soon to be bride is pregnant! In my culture the thought of a women having relations outside of marriage, or even during an engagement is punishable by death! This option is out of the question, and unthinkable, but there is another option: I have the right to dismiss her which would still cause great public shame thereby destroying the family’s reputation. I decided to take this option quietly, and broke off the engagement.

Recently, after still pondering the outcome of my situation, I fell asleep perplexed. Sometime during the night I had this strange vivid dream where I got the sense that something important was about to happen, and it centered around the unborn child my former fiancé is carrying. Much to my amazement, I think I might be changing my mind!

I spoke with my former fiancĂ© the other day who said she had a similar dream that somehow feels that the baby might be important, it is something she feels she can’t put into words. As we spoke she asked if I could come up with a name. When I offered a name for the child she looked back at me with amazement; we had come up with the same name!

I am more convinced there was something to this dream, and though it sounds like I am not thinking rationally, I am becoming more convinced I should go through with the marriage, and trust that life will take care of itself…………….. signed, Confused.

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Flashback

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Years ago, way back in 1984-85, I spent a year involved in one of the most important relationships in my life. Now that I live in Pasadena, I have now and then driven past the home located near Orange Grove and Colorado Blvd where much of this joy took place.

works2.gifWhen I see this home in the present, floods of memories fill me. I thought of music I’d written on Judd’s piano, of my play Tracks which I edited while laying on Gregory’s bed, I thought of the intense emotional feelings of joy spending weekends with Gregory (treating the Pasadena residence as the West Hollywood version of going out to the country for the weekend), and of course, I thought of a Judd’s New Years Eve Party; and also Judd’s well known and beloved Christmas parties, many of which I was actively involved, or his quarterly Musicales. Read More »


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